Wish we would not have met!

Wish we would not have met!

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Preeti always believed, “The fewer wishes you have, the less disappointment you will face.” But there were many in her own life that continually brought her pain. It wasn’t clear to her what to blame: herself, circumstances, time, or that mighty destiny that had taken its toll. No matter how hard she tried to cajole herself and divert her attention, at some point of the day, she remembered that moment they had spent together. Regardless of how dedicated one is, and how many faithful feelings one has, if the partner doesn’t understand one’s feelings, suffering is the only truth. To strengthen any relationship, being two people is not that important, but the people to be in a relationship are more important.

Preeti became friends with someone. Initially, she used to talk over the phone for hours and then started spending time together. Slowly, the friendship turned into love. With time, that someone became just One. A person in love is often so immersed that any mistakes of other, even deviation from established norms, is always undermined. When it comes to Raj and Preeti, there was no similarity between them. Completely different from each other. One was from Venus and the other from Saturn; one was rotating clockwise and the other just otherwise. Raj was normal in his appearance and Preeti was on a similar line as well, but Preeti had a unique quality of caring for everyone’s happiness.  She waits for him for hours for the evening to arrive to have him back from the office, she desperately waits for the moment to catch a glimpse of Raj as the clock ticks seven. Even today, she waits for him to type a message for her.

A person in love loses his senses. One thing was vividly visible —Love between them was never equal and neither reciprocal. As a result, he was found to be knowingly or unknowingly taking advantage of the situation. On the other side, there is no reason for love to happen. It just happens without preconditions. It is love, it is just love, it just takes shape like the unbreakable bond of the soul. It doesn’t vie for reasoning. If there would have been a place of reasoning, there was no reason for Preeti to fall for Raj. He had normal height, colour, and stature. Two were neighbours and often seeing at each other and finally fell in love. As the situation of the places, neighbours knew before the family had any hint of what was happening in their backyard.  The story is similar to movies from the decade 1990.

As a result, restrictions were imposed, and guards were ensured from both houses.  In those days, there were no mobiles, just a phone in the house. Whenever the opportunity arose, both would talk. Preeti would go and meet Raj every time she got a chance to leave the house alone.  The love between them keeps flourishing not because of the meeting but longing wish for a meeting. Slowly, the families of both houses became more stringent in their approach and became enemies of their blooming love. Then what? One after another, both were married, and separation became the final boundary. For Preeti, Raj was the same Raj of dilwale dulhania le jayenge. Whatever happens, Raj will come one day and take her along with him like what happened in the last scene of the iconic movie. She kept him alive in her heart. Though she has learned to love after watching films, her love was not filmy.

As time went on, the love between Raj and Preeti had not merely crumbled apart but moved miles and miles away. Preeti’s notion about — Raj will come one day — slowly breaks into pieces. Because of her sole reasons, once lively Preeti, who has never let others unhappy, departed into the world of others; far away from the love and affection of family, house, and Raj. However, that Preeti was not the same Preeti.

There was no shortage in Preeti’s life. Her husband, in-laws, family, everything she got is the same as any girl gets after marriage.  But she could never understand that when her heart and mind are ruled by Raj, then how can she give that place to someone else? It would be a betrayal for Raj. On the other side, when she has tied with another bond, how can she deny the moral obligation? How can she betray the other side? How can she let her heart drift for Raj and let her body flow in the new relationship? Again, she slowly adjusted to reality. She became used to the double life. It is said that if a lie is told for a long time, it also seems to be true.  Preeti also got used to living the double life; it seemed to her to be true.  Never forgot Raj but never met him again, not even when she went home. Raj was also busy with his life, when she got the news from friends, Preeti started realizing that it was one-sided love. Time went on, and her love for Raj remained the same for months and years. What changes now which has not changed then!

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There is a saying — if love remains incomplete, it will complete in whatever form. Time changed with the advent of social media. Two suddenly came in front of each other. Both have crossed their cyclical phase of love, love at a distance, breakup and then move on. There is no book, and no one educates to come over such situations — Everyone learns by falling, tripping, and standing on their own. Technology gave them a chance to talk to each other again. Often from morning to late at night. Chat started uncovering their own moments, moments of days when they went for a quick walk, moments of their love, moments of fighting to flirting. All became live again.

The time started offering unbound pleasure, when two hearts which vouched to be together, began to share their joys and sorrows. The chat became more and more personnal. The messages taking shape: Drive carefully, have you taken your dinner, are you tired? By typing these, Raj and Preeti would find little more of other, but at the same time, they lose more than that little of self. Preeti knew that she was just beginning to view the same movie whose end she already knew. She was aware of the destiny of the character of the book which she was rereading. Slowly and gradually, the same thing happened. Both had different lives, and different responsibilities. Preeti’s dedication was the same, but Raj has always been less present in this relationship. The discussion which began with love started ending in fights. Once they talk for hours a day, they no longer talk to each other for weeks. If Preeti had sent a message, that would remain answered for hours despite Raj being online.

When asked, Raj would say, “I was busy.” This answer invokes a tingling sensation in her weak nerves. That break her again. Preeti wondered if the emotions with which she had lived for so many years were just lies, was it just one-sided love, or can someone forget the dedication she kept for him? Preeti had started seeing nothing but lies and just seer lies.  Whenever she would call Raj, he didn’t pick up her phone, and when asked, he said, “I didn’t see it.”  Preeti gets angry with herself; she knew the end of the film. She knew that she will not leave her family and so did Raj. So, what for this game again? She was at a juncture in her life where she liked Raj a lot but did not want him in come into her life. After all, she also sent the message that they should talk once — we cannot act and walk like this. Chat popped with two letter words: “OK.”    Preeti was completely broken by that word, but how much, she was already broken.  Although Preeti was breaking, this time another string snapped. In their relationship, only a few threads held it together, and this time, it collapsed. Now the word ‘OK’ had proved that Preeti’s years of dedication were meaningless.

She picked up the phone and read the years-old message and slipped back to the last message. Tears fell on the phone on every message, as if it was washing emotions and making her cleaner. She clicked on the phone’s ‘More button’. She was pointing her finger at the ‘delete chat’ tab. She was shivering and then she felt a gust of thoughts – what to do with this chat? She became more confused. She took a round of the room and then a deep breath and deleted those messages. The years and years of a relationship slowly evaporated from her phone and her memory. She was calm and steady. She has already bid goodbye to the relationship a long time ago but has not ended it. She had been using commas so far; it was time to place a full stop. We keep good books carefully, but emotional relationships remain as a memory. Definitely, not that relationship but those talks, and memories were beautiful. Now, she ended the relationship, but she will keep the memories close to her heart. Now she was listening to her heart again: Wish, we would not have met! Wish, we will never meet again!

Hema Kripalani

Despite being out of India for over two decades, Hema Kripalani is deeply connected to her roots. She worked as a Hindi teacher in a local Singapore school from 1999 to 2009. In addition to teaching in school, she imparted Hindi working knowledge to the High Commissioner of Singapore, Ministry of Foreign Affairs and World Bank officials deputed to India. A new chapter in her life began in 2010 when she moved to China. She got the opportunity to work in radio and hosted her own shows and other women-oriented programs from 2010 to 2014. In 2015, she came back to Singapore and since then she is teaching in an international school.